Prime Crude

A hero, a narcissist, and a meltdown. 🦹‍♀️ The Hidden Jealousy In the White House cinema room, President Trump watched the latest Superman movie alone, clutching a bucket of fried chicken and envy. Supergirl's cameo made the crowd in the premiere theater cheer. “Why does she get the Fortress? The cape? The dog? The hair? ” He rolled his eyes. “I could fly better. If I wanted. I just… choose not to.” 🛡️ Appointing the Alien To show he wasn’t jealous, Trump announced something big: “I’m appointing Superman as my new National Security Advisor. He's strong, legal—unlike certain people crossing our border.” Superman accepted awkwardly, still chewing his last burrito. “Happy to serve. Though I thought… I'd be fighting crime, not briefing on cyber threats.” 🌮 Borderline Insanity A week later, Superman visited the U.S.–Mexico border to deliver aid. There, a group of angry vigilantes mistook him for a government drone. They threw tortillas, yelled in Span...

When a president threats a comedian’s citizenship, the punches land harder than any verbal jab. 🗞️ The Message – A Presidential Decree Rosie O’Donnell is on her patio in Ireland, sipping chamomile tea with her non‑binary child, when her phone buzzes. “I may strip you of your citizenship,” reads the Truth Social notification from President Trump, who just labeled her a “threat to humanity.” 🗣️ Satirical Beat – The Feud Reignites Back in Washington, Trump beams at his phone camera: “She moved to Ireland—let her stay there! No citizen‑stripping? Fine. But watch me tweet every single thought.” Meanwhile, cable news loops the clip on a continuous roast. 🕵️ Investigation – Constitutional Reality Legal eagles scramble. Scholars remind the world: “The Fourteenth Amendment protects birthright citizenship. The president cannot unilaterally revoke it.” Their stern faces flash on every network—proof that facts still matter… occasionally. 🎭 Climax – Rosie’s Response Rosie goes live on Ins...

  When revenge is deep-fried. 🧠 The Hook – Nothing Left to Win Trump sat alone in the Oval Office, scrolling through cable news with ketchup on his tie. “I did it all. I became president. I crushed my enemies. I proved to my ex-fiancée that I’m better than that potato guy she left me for.” But now? “No more villains to destroy. No scandals. No wars. No one even tweets at me anymore.” 🎯 The Message – Make Enemies Again So Trump made a decision: “From now on, I’ll create my own enemies. My own problems. My own chaos.” His wife hated burritos? He'd eat one daily. Elon Musk wanted to start “America First Party”? Trump started America Plus . Iran wanted nukes? Trump would launch all his nukes… just to build a newer, shinier one. 📺 Satirical Beat – Missing POTUS BREAKING NEWS: President Trump Missing. The White House had no clue. “We don't know where the president is,” said the Press Secretary. “He was last seen eating a suspiciously spicy burrito.” The nation ...

  The truth behind the tights. 🧳 The Hook – After the Credits The movie ended. The credits rolled. Superman walked off the soundstage and stood quietly on the sidewalk—waiting for a cab. No flying. No theme music. No cheering fans. Just a wrinkled suit and a man with aching knees. “Even heroes need Uber,” he whispered. His iconic red underwear? “Needs a serious wash.” 🪞 Mirror Talk Back in his apartment, Superman removed his cape, kicked off his boots, and stared into the mirror. “We lie,” he said to his reflection. “We’re not heroes. We're marketing tools in spandex. There's no truth. No justice. Just tight schedules and tighter pants.” Then his phone rang. ☎️ A Call from Trump “White House here. The president loved your movie. He wants to meet. Tonight.” Superman arrived at the Oval Office in a gray business suit. No cape. No S-logo. Just a man in borrowed confidence. Trump frowned. “Where’s the underwear?” he asked. “Where’s the chest puff? You look like you...

  Tucker Carlson was on the run. From who? He wasn’t exactly sure. All he knew was that a group of well-dressed weirdos from a shadowy organization called The Crust were tracking his every move. They didn’t want his opinions. They didn’t want his show. They wanted… the last slice of pizza . 📜 The Message Tucked inside a manila envelope left at his doorstep, the message read: “No one walks away from the last slice.” It was written in dripping marinara ink. Tucker read it five times. He wiped his forehead. Then he tweeted, “They know.” 🗣️ Presidential Interference When asked about Tucker’s situation, former President Trump chuckled: “Nobody walks away from mozzarella. I don’t care who you are. But Tucker? Please. He couldn’t even afford a garlic knot . Sad!” 🔍 Who Will Help? With The Crust closing in, Tucker must decide: Trust the barefoot man in the Hawaiian shirt offering pineapple pizza protection ? Decode the delivery receipt left behind by a mysterious pizza ...

  Elon Musk had a problem. Starlink was too... normal. Too corporate. Too “mainstream internet billionaire.” He wanted something smaller. Lighter. Buzzier. So he pitched the board: “What if… we mounted miniature Wi-Fi satellites… on the backs of flies ?” Silence. Then laughter. The kind of laughter that only happens when billionaires mock each other inside oak-paneled boardrooms. 🍟 Enter: The Sad Potato Man Elon stormed out, furious. That’s when he met Hank — an old man selling fries from a cart near the gates of “The Introvert Billionaires Club.” Hank looked up with greasy hands and onion-ring eyes and said: “Son, I believe in your flies. I’ll help you. I got trash . A lot of it.” 🗑️ Operation Fly-Fi Begins By the next morning, tons of garbage were delivered to Elon’s Bel Air mansion. Rotten fish, expired pudding, vape pens, old Twitter blue checkmarks—everything flies love. Soon, Elon had the largest private fly swarm in North America. He named them: Buzznet. But the...

  It was supposed to be a normal lunch. President Donald J. Trump was mid-speech during a White House taco-themed press conference when he noticed something bizarre: His burrito had a bite in it. But not his bite. “That’s not me,” Trump insisted, holding the half-eaten burrito up like it was a national security threat. “I have very distinctive teeth. Ask anyone.” 🧠 Enter Elon Musk Within hours, Elon Musk tweeted the obvious solution: “To reduce chewing fatigue and promote presidential efficiency, I’ve developed a prototype robot that bites food for Trump. It’s called ChompX-1 .” Suddenly, a small chrome robot with perfect veneers appeared at Trump’s side in every press event, birthday party, and ice cream launch. It bit things. Silently. Efficiently. Perfectly. 💔 Trouble in the Trump Tower Melania wasn’t amused. She found ChompX-1 "creepy," "too smooth," and “far too close to Donald’s mouth.” And when Trump asked ChompX to cut his steak on their annive...

  It all started on a weirdly humid Tuesday in Washington. President Donald J. Trump was out for an unscheduled stroll—probably avoiding a budget briefing or looking for something dumb to tweet—when he spotted him. A scruffy little mutt, sitting near a garbage can outside the West Wing like he owned the place. "That’s a tremendous dog," Trump said, pointing. "The best dog. Definitely presidential material." And just like that, the mutt was scooped up and smuggled into the White House without clearance, background check, or rabies papers. Trump named him Sparky —because of course he did. 🔥 Scene One: Total Oval Office Meltdown Within minutes, Sparky made his mark—literally. He tore up a folder marked TOP SECRET , chewed the edge of the Resolute Desk, and relieved himself on the Vice President’s chair. Advisors panicked. Secret Service stared in horror. Trump, meanwhile, was LIVE on Truth Social. “Sparky is a genius. Way smarter than the FBI. Probably smarter tha...