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🪰 The Fly-Fi Revolution

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Elon Musk had a problem. Starlink was too... normal. Too corporate. Too “mainstream internet billionaire.” He wanted something smaller. Lighter. Buzzier. So he pitched the board: “What if… we mounted miniature Wi-Fi satellites… on the backs of flies ?” Silence. Then laughter. The kind of laughter that only happens when billionaires mock each other inside oak-paneled boardrooms. 🍟 Enter: The Sad Potato Man Elon stormed out, furious. That’s when he met Hank — an old man selling fries from a cart near the gates of “The Introvert Billionaires Club.” Hank looked up with greasy hands and onion-ring eyes and said: “Son, I believe in your flies. I’ll help you. I got trash . A lot of it.” 🗑️ Operation Fly-Fi Begins By the next morning, tons of garbage were delivered to Elon’s Bel Air mansion. Rotten fish, expired pudding, vape pens, old Twitter blue checkmarks—everything flies love. Soon, Elon had the largest private fly swarm in North America. He named them: Buzznet. But there was...

🤖 The Burrito Bite Scandal: A Robot, a Jealous Wife, and a Meltdown on the White House Steps

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  It was supposed to be a normal lunch. President Donald J. Trump was mid-speech during a White House taco-themed press conference when he noticed something bizarre: His burrito had a bite in it. But not his bite. “That’s not me,” Trump insisted, holding the half-eaten burrito up like it was a national security threat. “I have very distinctive teeth. Ask anyone.” 🧠 Enter Elon Musk Within hours, Elon Musk tweeted the obvious solution: “To reduce chewing fatigue and promote presidential efficiency, I’ve developed a prototype robot that bites food for Trump. It’s called ChompX-1 .” Suddenly, a small chrome robot with perfect veneers appeared at Trump’s side in every press event, birthday party, and ice cream launch. It bit things. Silently. Efficiently. Perfectly. 💔 Trouble in the Trump Tower Melania wasn’t amused. She found ChompX-1 "creepy," "too smooth," and “far too close to Donald’s mouth.” And when Trump asked ChompX to cut his steak on their annive...

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